Every Other Weekend
by shawn-n-belle
Summary: "I can't tell her I love her, because there are too many questions and ears in the car. So, I don't tell her I miss her, and I don't tell her I need her, she's over me, that's where we are. So we're as close as we may ever be again, every other weekend." Spencer and Ashley are separated with three kids. Is it really over for the two of them or does life have another plan?
1. Chapter 1

Every Other Weekend

Summary: "I can't tell her I love her, because there are too many questions and ears in the car. So, I don't tell her I miss her, and I don't tell her I need her, she's over me, that's where we are. So we're as close as we may ever be again, every other weekend." Spencer and Ashley are separated with three kids. Is it really over for the two of them or does life have another plan for the two?

Pairing: Spencer/Ashley. Spencer/OC. Ashley/OC.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: I don't know what this is, I don't know if this is going to be a short chapter story if it is going to be just a standalone like this, I haven't really decided yet. But with the South of Nowhere episodes re-airing on The N, I got inspired to write this and so I did. I don't even know if anyone out there still reads Spashley but I hope so! Anyways, this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Reviews are always, _always_ greatly appreciated.

* * *

"Okay, everyone got what they need?" Thirty two year old Spencer Carlin asks, her eyes flickering between the three heads in her Honda Civic. Sitting furthest to the right, with two wrestlers in his hands, battling them to 'death' is six year old Clay. Beside of him sits four year old Cadence, cradling her baby doll in one hand while a Capri sun in the other. And sitting on the left, in her car seat, happily oblivious to all that goes on around her is two year old Sophia, who is babbling about something that Spencer just can't quite hear.

The three kids are the perfect mixture of both she and her ex-wife. Clay is more like her ex-wife than she would like to admit, even though he was produced from her egg. Before they separated, the running joke was that they accidentally inseminated Ashley's egg with the sperm instead of Spencer's, and of course, the entire family would always laugh. But now, years later, Spencer actually wonders if instead of it being a joke, the statement is actually _true_. His brunette hair swoops down in his face just slightly and when he looks up at her with those dark brown eyes, she is taken aback by how much he looks like Ashley.

"Mommy, are we really going to see Mama today? I miss her so much!" Cadence exclaims waving her baby doll in the air as a brilliant grin appears on her face and Spencer chuckles, leaning against the seat. Her brunette hair curls hang just around her shoulders and her eyes are a piercing shade of emerald. She is the perfect mixture of Ashley and Spencer, and seeing her now just reminds Spencer of how in love they _truly_ had been, how _good_ the two of them really were together.

"Yeah, we are. Today is Friday, isn't it?" Spencer replies and Clay nods excitedly.

"Today was the day that I got to feed Mr. Speckle!" Clay exclaims with a bright, proud grin, clutching tightly to his half-dressed wrestlers. Spencer chuckles quietly at her son's enthusiasm over feeding the classroom's pet frog. Only _her_ son would be excited over something as simple as that.

"Mommy, why doesn't Mama live with us anymore?" Cadence asks, taking a sip of her Capri sun, looking up at her under those long, soft eyelashes. Looking at her daughter with guilty eyes, Spencer sighs, running her free hand through her golden hair. She wishes they could understand; she wishes they didn't ask this every other weekend when she dropped them off to Ashley but she knows they are too young. They are too young to understand the true evils of the world, to understand how sometimes, even in the best situations, love just _isn't_ enough.

"Cadence, we've talked about this…"

"You don't love her anymore?" Clay asks and the question breaks Spencer's heart completely. It is not that she does not still love Ashley, it's just… _life_. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, life does not work out the way that it is supposed to, life does not always work out the way that you _want_ it to. If she had her way, she and Ashley would still be happily married; they would still be excited to call each other wife and still beam over their children just like they did the day they were born. But life got in the way and forever became just a lie, just a simple word on a Hallmark card, and I love you became something said absently to avoid a fight. Somewhere along the way they lost each other and that is just where they are now.

"No, that's not true. I still love your Mama. I will always love your Mama. She gave me you guys. But we just weren't happy together anymore. But we are happy now, aren't we? I mean, we have each other, and Grandma Paula and Grandpa Arthur and Uncle Glenn, Aunt Chelsea, and you have your Mama, and Uncle Aiden and Aunt Kyla and your cousins Andrew, and Tara. We're happy now; there isn't any fighting or crying. We're our own little families and we're pretty happy, I think. What about you?" Spencer asks and instantaneously all three of the kids nod their heads fervently.

"But Mommy, I miss you when you go away. Can't you just stay with us and Mama for the weekend?" Clay asks, looking at her with those big brown eyes and Spencer feels that all too familiar flutter in her stomach, the same way that she felt it for Ashley all those years ago. Chuckling softly to herself, she leans forward as she ruffles his hair, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"You know I wish I could, but that is not really fair. I get you all to myself for a whole week. Mama likes to spend time with you too, we shouldn't make her share. That's not really fair, is it?" Spencer asks with a smile and shyly, Clay shakes his head. Smiling softly, she tickles the little boy who squeals in laughter before reaching over and tickling the girls who all burst out in a comforting giggle.

"Come on you guys, you know that you like Mama better, you're just trying to not hurt my feelings. I mean, she lets you guys watch TV and play video games and you get to eat chocolate and have dinner in the living room and you can go swimming in her pool and all of that fun stuff that I don't like for you to do." Spencer smiles teasingly and Sophia nods her head with a gentle smile.

"Mama lets us play with Phoenix too but we have to wash our hands before we eat." Sophia smiles, referring to Ashley's West Highland white terrier puppy that the kids are absolutely crazy about and Spencer knows secretly, Ashley is crazy about the pup too. Laughing quietly, Spencer reaches forward as she brushes some of Sophia's golden locks away from her face.

"See? Mama has Phoenix." Spencer smiles at the children.

"Oh, and an Xbox!"

"And a dollhouse!"

"And a pool!"

"And Rockband!"

"And the good chocolate milk!"

"And…"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Spencer laughs at her kids' enthusiasm as they shout out all the reasons why their Mama is so great. But she can't even pretend like she is jealous, because honestly, she wishes that she could live with Ashley as well, she wishes she could experience all those things with her that their kids too. But she knows things are different now, it is not her place to be with her anymore, not after everything they have been through. Things happen for a reason, Spencer sighs as her eyes flicker between her three kids, and this is for the best. At least, that is what she tells herself every night when she lays down to sleep in their bed alone.

"Alright, everybody buckled in?" Spencer asks, checking the buckle on Sophia's car seat, before reaching over and checking Cadence and Clay's buckles as all three of the kids nod their head. Smiling, Spencer ruffles her hand through Clay's brown hair as the boy squirms underneath his mother's touch, trying to shove her away but laughing at the same time.

Moving to the driver's side, Spencer glances back at the kids who are playing and chatting to themselves about all the fun and cool things they are going to do at their Mama's house and her heart swells with love. Looking at these kids, she can see her life with Ashley; she can see the love they had once shared. But much like her father, Ashley's life took a few spirals in the wrong direction and their life of wedded bliss turned more into the marriage from hell. When the brunette found her solace at the end of a liquor bottle, Spencer knew their problems would not be solved and that is when the two of them decided to separate, at least for the time being.

But that was _months_ ago, months of no contact except for the simple greetings when they dropped the kids off or when they had to talk to each other about the kids' school events. It had been months since Spencer even had a conversation with her ex-wife about something that did not involve class parties or field trips; it had been _months_ since she looked at her like a lover instead of just her children's other mother. And even though there is such a big part of her that wants the two of them to work it out, she knows that it is already too late for them.

Their love, much like the Titanic, had sunk. And there was nothing humanly possible that could be done to save it.

* * *

The ride had been mostly quiet except for the soft hum of the radio and Cadence's attempts to sing along with some of her favorite songs. For the most part, the kids had been quiet, staring at the scenery of trees and businesses as it passed them by and playing with their toys until they pulled in that all too familiar parking lot in which that black Chevrolet Equinox sat, Ashley leaning against the driver's side door in a white muscle shirt and a pair of worn out jeans.

Swallowing hard, Spencer can feel her heart racing in her chest and the butterflies, even though it feels more like Pterodactyls, fluttering in her stomach. It is amazing the control Ashley Davies still has over her, how she can still make her weak in the knees and make her heart long for her. It is amazing all those thread still bind those two together, like a million strings pulling them together, no matter how hard they fight it. Watching as Ashley pushes herself off the door, pulling her sunglasses back from her eyes, Spencer's heart aches. She knows the two of them can make it work, they can figure a way, they can be _that_ couple again. Sure, it wouldn't be easy, but wouldn't it be worth it? Sighing as she unbuckles Sophia from the car seat, she is almost afraid to hear Ashley's answer on that one.

"Mama! Mama!" Clay exclaims, practically smacking Spencer upside the head with his seat belt as he throws it off himself. Spencer doesn't count the seconds but if she did, she is sure that she would discover that their son is quite the speed runner. Ashley almost does not have time to brace herself when the little boy leaps practically from the car door straight into her arms.

"Mama! Mama! I missed you sooooooooooooo much! And… I… I … I got to feed Mr. Speckles today and then Toby let me play with his trucks on the playground and Anna May asked me to be her boyfriend but I said no because girls are gross. And then I… I got a 100 on my spelling test and I got a sticker!" Clay exclaims, practically tripping over his words, as he presses his face excessively close to Ashley's during his exclamation. The brunette laughs playfully, ruffling a handful of her son's hair as she kisses his forehead.

"Whoa, buddy, you don't have to be in such a hurry. We have all weekend to talk!" Ashley smiles and he nods his head, wrapping his arms tightly around her neck. Spencer unlatches Cadence who waits patiently for Sophia who is quickly freed from her car seat as well.

"Mama, I got a baby!" Cadence grins, flashing a bright smile toward the brunette, showing her the plush doll that she is clutching tightly in her hand, so tight, in fact, that half of her face is squished in. Smiling at her daughter, Ashley sits Clay down to reach out for the little girl, pulling her into a hug, smothering her face in kisses as Cadence squeals against her.

"Does she have a name?" Ashley asks with a smile and Cadence nods quickly.

"Pippa." Beams Cadence and Ashley wrinkles her brow, looking up at Spencer who just shrugs her shoulders with a gentle smile, gently swaying Sophia on her hip.

"Like Kate Middleton's sister with the great butt?"

"Ashley!"

"No, Mama!" Cadence giggles loudly, cradling her doll in her arms before she looks up at her with those sparkling emerald eyes, "like Tori's baby sister!" She squeals loudly and Ashley laughs, nodding her head as she tucks a strand of the blonde hair behind her ear.

"Oh, much better," Ashley chuckles and Cadence giggles, shaking her head softly as she steps beside of her brother, reaching the doll to him but Clay just sneers his nose toward her and continues to play with his wrestlers. Smiling at her two trouble makers, Ashley approaches Spencer, poking Sophia in the ribs as the little toddler smiles shyly at her.

"And what about you, huh? What have you been up to, little quiet angel?" Ashley smiles and Sophia hides her face in Spencer's neck, clinging tightly to her. Smiling quietly at her wife, Spencer gently scratches up and down the toddler's back.

"Come on, Soph. You know how this works. You get to go spend some time at Mama's house and then I'll be back Monday to pick you up, okay? You're going to have so much fun and you can play with Phoenix. You _love_ Phoenix!" Spencer states, scratching her back and Ashley looks at her wife longingly for a moment before back at their daughter.

"Oh yeah, and he has been missing you like _crazy_!" Ashley smiles at her and Sophia looks at her with wide eyes and the biggest smile on her face.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah! He needs you!" Ashley grins and Sophia looks back at Spencer skeptically.

"It's okay, honey. I'll be back soon. Go with Mama and take care of Phoenix. I'll be just fine, really. I love you so much!" Spencer smiles, kissing her chubby cheek before the little girl launches herself into Ashley's arms. The brunette catches her with an 'ooof', gently tickling her fingers into her sides to hear the little girl squeals in delight at her mother's playfulness. Chuckling quietly, Ashley opens the door to her car as the kids climb in. Clay buckles himself and then, rather proudly, reaches over and buckles Cadence while Ashley nestles her daughter into the car seat and Spencer watches with careful eyes.

"Hey… uh… Sophia. She's been kind of congested lately so you should probably try to rub something on her chest, vapor rub if you have it but she will fight you on it so you have to tell her a story or do something to distract her. Oh, and a humidifier, those have been really helpful, you'll have to tell her some type of princess story to get her to actually be okay with it being in the room with her. Oh, and keep a check on her temperature, although I think it is just a cold. But one of the kids at day care had the flu so she might have it and…"

"Spence," Ashley smiles, placing her hands on her ex-wife's shoulders with a gentle squeeze, "these are my kids too, I can handle it, trust me. I haven't killed one yet, have I?" Ashley teases and Spencer chuckles a little with a shy nod of her head.

"Yeah, you're right. Oh, could you make sure that Cadence does _not_ eat peas. She's allergic." Spencer exclaims and Ashley rolls her eyes with a laugh.

"_Re_-_lax_. I got this." Ashley laughs and Spencer blushes with a gentle nod before she opens the door for Ashley before she steps back, anxiously running her fingers through her hair, watching as Ashley settles into the driver's seat, clicking the seat belt over her body and sliding on her shades. Sometimes when she looks at her, Spencer sighs, it is like nothing ever happened, like they are still those two reckless teenagers who ran away that night and ran out of gas. Sometimes when she looks at her, it's like the world just simply stands _still_.

"I'll take care of them, I promise. And I'll give them back Monday, with all their limbs and heads still attached. They'll be fed and given enough sleep and happy. They'll be _fine_," Ashley smiles and Spencer nods her head, crossing her arms over her chest with a gentle smile. The two exes share a moment, a brief moment, in which their eyes are locked and the smiles play upon their lips, they share the briefest moment in which _nothing_ had ever happened. Ashley sighs gently; closing the door but not before Spencer speaks out.

"Ash!" Spencer calls out and the brunette looks up at her quizzically and Spencer blushes in a gentle, almost playful smile, "You look really good." At this, the grin practically cracks on Ashley's face as the warm blush curls within her cheek.

"Y-You look really good too." Ashley smiles in return, giving Spencer one last look over before she shuts the door. Spencer shuffles quickly back to her car, the tears building up in her eyes as she hears the sound of Ashley's car roaring to life, and then, just like that, she drives away, taking her whole life and her whole heart with her.

Sighing in desperation, Spencer climbs back into the car, placing both of her hands on the steering wheel as she squeezes gently, glancing through the rear view mirror in which a bunch of toys and empty Capri suns are left scattered. Suddenly, when she can no longer keep it together, Spencer rests her forehead against the steering wheel as the most heart wrenching cry escapes from her.

"I love you, Ashley." She cries.


	2. Chapter 2

**Autho****r's**** Note:** Can I first just say, wow! I did not expect this much feedback for this story and I am completely blown away by everyone's love and response! I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do with this story but I'm probably going to make it a ten chapter or under fic, nothing too grand but I want to tell the story of them being separated because a lot of people are dealing with this in their every day lives. Anyways, it's still unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own! Please enjoy! **  
**

* * *

**Two**

"Okay, who's ready for lunch?" Ashley exclaims from the kitchen, looking in the living room at the three children who sit on the couch, flipping through her high definition television. Each of them a permanent reminder of the love story she shares with the blonde woman from Ohio, each one a reminder of all the things they once had, all the things they were _meant _to have.

But life had a different idea in store for them, one that Ashley Davies had not exactly considered being a part of her life plan. She had not considered that she would ever be separated from the love of her life and they would be trading their children around every other weekend like they were some type of baseball card. She had never believed that she would ever turn out like her parents, but a few ill decisions and rejections from record labels had sent Ashley spiraling into that direction so much that she could not gain control of her life anymore. It had been as if she had been watching someone else live her life and screwing it up massively, it had been as if she single handily watched everything that ever meant anything to her slip between her fingers and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The months since the separation, Ashley swore she would get her life together after she drunkenly tried to hook up with a chick at the bar, so drunkenly in fact, that she brought her back to her condo and let her trash the place, even the pictures of her kids. Since the day that Spencer told her to pack her things, Ashley has tried to _better_ herself. She has gone through AA meetings and therapy sessions and she had been getting jobs, _good_jobs. Ashley has been changing; she has been getting her crap together, not just for herself but for her kids. For _Spencer_.

"Me! Me! Me!" The three voices mix together in exciting shouts and she chuckles as she slides the grilled cheeses on the plates with the fruit. Making grilled cheese isn't exactly bad ass but it is what makes her kids happy and making them happy, much like making Spencer happy, is one of her life goals. Glancing out at the three kids who are sitting next to each other on the sofa, their eyes glued on some television program that has far too many cheesy puns for Ashley, the brunette cannot help but smile, feeling the pull of purpose tying her to this place here, with them.

Placing a few slices of apples on the plates, Ashley picks them up with a twirl, making her way to the sofa, where all three of the children are watching her with wide, eager eyes.

"Here you go! Eat up!" Ashley beams, picking up Sophia before she takes her seat, sitting the small toddler in her lap. Grinning eagerly, Sophia takes the grilled cheese and mushes it in her hands before shoving it into her mouth, chewing happily. However, on the opposite end of the sofa, it is Cadence who is eyeing the grilled cheese with a brooding pout and it does not miss Ashley's eyes.

"What's wrong, Cade?" Ashley intrigues, glancing at her daughter. Cadence looks down at the grilled cheese with a heavy sigh before her brother elbows her _hard_ in the ribs. Glaring at her brother, Cadence pouts harder, looking back down at the skeptical sandwich in her plate.

"Nothing! She loves it! Don't you, Cadence?" Clay exclaims with a beaming grin, waiting for his sister's response, but there is only silence. Wrinkling his brow, he glares back at his younger sister, elbowing her in the ribs again, "_don't you_, Cadence?" He huffs but she shakes her head with a grimace.

"You didn't cut the crusts off. Mommy _always_ cuts the crusts off. She says it m-makes the sandwich pretty," Cadence hiccups. Ashley sighs sadly as she watches her four year old with sad eyes as the little girl, the perfect love child, stare at the sandwich as if it is about to grow legs and walk off. She knew the divorce was going to be hard on the kids, and she knew this whole custody thing was going to be a trial and error process, but what she had not expected was how hard it would be _on her_. She had not expected how much it would affect her when the kids exclaimed that Spencer did things differently or when they woke up in the middle of the night crying out for her. If she was being honest, Ashley wanted to cry out for Spencer during those moments too.

Spencer had always been the prominent force in their life, she had always been the one who held the family, who held Ashley together, she cannot believe that in one foolish mistake, she let her slip through her fingers, that in one foolish mistake she lost everything that ever meant anything to her.

"Here, I'll tear them off for you." Clay states with a smile as he takes his sister's sandwich in his hands, ripping the brown crusts off. However, it does not stop Cadence's scowl as she continues to stare at the sandwich with sad eyes.

"It's not the same," The little girl sighs, "it's not like Mommy's." And the statement is just enough to break Ashley's heart deeper than she ever thought was possible.

"Just eat your fruit, Cade. I'll try to fix something you like for dinner. How about…spaghetti. You _love_ my spaghetti, don't you?" Ashley asks, faking a bright smile and the four year old nods quietly as she reluctantly takes a piece of apple in her hand and places it to her mouth. The kid does not like fruit, Ashley chuckles inwardly, she cannot say she blames her; they are not exactly her favorite thing in the world either.

"Mama, I love your sandwiches!" Clay grins, looking up at her with his hooded brown eyes and Ashley cannot help but smile at him. If there is one thing he certainly got from Spencer, it is his heart. He loves to make her feel good, to make her smile, to make her feel like even though crap happens, she is still amazing, and that, Ashley smiles as she runs her fingers through his hair, is perhaps the thing she misses most about her wife.

"Me too!" Sophia replies, shoveling another handful of the sandwich into her mouth as she flashes that bright grin toward her Mama and Ashley laughs, nuzzling her nose against Sophia's. Giggling, Sophia beams before she takes another bite of her sandwich. Glimpsing back over at her four year old, Ashley finds the little girl brooding in a sulk, staring at the sandwich, clearly heartbroken that the sandwich is not up to par with her Mommy's. Although Cadence will never admit it, she misses her Mama, she misses her _family_.

Leaning back as a flush of tears burn in her eyes, Ashley wants to console her daughter, she wants her to know that everything is going to be okay and things are better this way but she can't. She cannot tell her that this is for the best, because, truthfully, Ashley cannot even convince herself of that.

It is not for the best that their family split up and their kids are being raised here and there, always missing the other parent. It is not for the best that everything that Ashley ever stood for, ever believed in suddenly slipped away because of her careless immaturity.

And it certainly is not for the best that every time Ashley looks at their three kids, her heart _breaks_.

* * *

When it comes to the bed time rituals, Ashley finds herself at a loss. Sure, she had always been there to give the kids a goodnight kiss when they went to bed, but when it came to the baths and the goodnight stories, the cuddles and everything else Spencer gave them, Ashley had not been there. She was always busy recording, singing, writing, trying desperately to get her career out of the shambles that Kyla had left it in. She had always been _too_ busy to be there and now, as the kids are getting older, and especially now that she is doing it all on her own, she finds herself regretting that.

At the time, Ashley had never foreseen this coming, the whole divorce and being separate parents' thing. Perhaps it had been the blind optimism in her that always believed Spencer would be there to put their kids to bed while she was busy trying to rocket her career and make them millionaires, she had always assumed that Spencer would _be there_. But the second that she drunkenly made that mistake, the second that she picked up the glass and threw it at her, she knew Spencer would be gone. It is why she did not stay at their house that night, and it is why she did not come home until six days after. Because being at a strange hotel is a hell of a lot easier than being at your home that does not belong to you anymore. Being in a strange bed is easier than being in your bed _alone_.

It still takes her by surprise when she comes home alone to the dark condo and three pairs of arms are not wrapping around her, each shouting how much they missed her and telling her about their day while Spencer is smiling at her from the kitchen waiting for a kiss. It still catches her off guard when she reaches over in the middle of the night and Spencer isn't there. For all those days that she swore she would not be like her mother and that she would not let her dreams affect her as a parent like her father had, it had all been for nothing. In the end, Ashley Davies turned out to be the person that she never wanted to be, an absentee parent and an even worse wife.

"All done, Mama!" Clay exclaims, wiping his face with the hand towel as he steps into the bedroom in his race car jammies, the pair that Ashley had to shop around in four different stores to find the _exact_ right pair. Smiling from the edge of the bed, she watches as her son tosses the towel in the hamper, grinning at her so wide that he is showing his dimples. When Spencer came into her life, Ashley swore she would never love another boy again, but that was before Clay Rafael Carlin-Davies came into her life, all six pounds and five ounces with those eyes that melt her every time.

"Did you brush your teeth?" Ashley asks and the boy nods his head eagerly, "and washed your face?" He nods grinning, "And how about tinkling? Did you tinkle?" At this, the boy blushes a bright pink and nods his head. Smiling with a laugh, Ashley winks before she stands up.

"Alright, little man. I guess it's time for bed! To bed, I said!" Ashley states with a smile. Grinning from ear to ear, Clay takes a few steps back before he takes a huge running go and jumps, or rather dives, into the bed, landing with a bounce and a squeal. Laughing at her son's playfulness, Ashley grabs the race car sheets and pulls it over his head as he squirms, giggling.

"Hmm, where did Clay go? I could have sworn he was just here!" Ashley smiles playfully, glancing around the room as the boy squirms and wiggles under the covers, giggling. "Oh, look at this lump in the bed. Maybe I should beat it out."

"No, Mama!" Clay laughs as Ashley's nails dig into her son's side, tickling hard. Giggling and wriggling dramatically, Clay tries to swat at her hands but is not successful as another loud belly laugh escapes from him. After a few moments, Ashley stops with a warm hearted laugh of her own, glancing down at her baby boy who pants to catch his breath, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Did you have fun today?" Ashley asks, gently pulling the blanket down comfortably over the boy who nods his head with a big yawn.

"I really, _really_, miss you Mama." Clay yawns, looking up at her with tired eyes and Ashley feels a little something inside of her snaps, "Do you have to give us back? Can't you and Mommy just… live together like old times? I miss you too much." He yawns again, looking up at her and for a second, just a _brief_ second, Ashley considers it. She considers going back, apologizing to Spencer, leaving it all on the line and starting over. She considers it but she knows, that even on her best day, an apology is not going to fix all the damage that has been done.

"You know I can't, Scamp," Ashley sighs, looking at her son with gentle eyes and he nods quietly, biting his bottom lip as he studies her face for a long minute.

"You want to though, don't you?" Clay questions, playing with this sheet quietly, "you want to live with us again, don't you? And Mommy? You want to be m-married again?" Clay looks up at her with big eyes and Ashley bites her bottom lip hesitantly as the tears fill her eyes.

"It's not that easy," Ashley sighs and Clay looks away with a sniffle.

"Jack's parents were separated but then his daddy came back to live with them again. Why can't you and Mommy live together? We want you to and Mommy wants you to. Please, Mama?" Clay pleads and Ashley sighs heavily, her body slumping with sadness before she blinks away the tears as she grabs the phone in her pocket.

"We should call Mommy and tell her goodnight, huh? I know how she loves that," Ashley smiles as she pushes the speed dial button, the phone automatically calling her child's mother who is ironically still the first person programmed in her phone. Clay forces a smile as he takes the phone which rings twice before a gentle voice comes on the other end.

"Hey buddy, I was thinking you forgot me!" Spencer's warm voice floods the room and instantly Ashley's heart leaps in her throat. God, she _misses_ her.

"I didn't forget you! I was just playing with Mama. She fixeded us grilled cheese!" Clay exclaims, his English still not quite yet perfect and Ashley chuckles at his imperfection, "and we played video games, but not the bad kind like you don't like, we played rock band! Mama is sooo good! And then, we watched movies! Sissy wanted to watch Tangled and Mama sang along. And Mommy can we get a horse like Maximus, he is so cool!" Clay blubbers away and Ashley smiles at his talkativeness, that is something he gets from her, she smiles.

"Well, I don't know about the horse, buddy. We will see. Maybe Grandpa Arthur and Grandma Paula can work on that for you. And Mama is really good at rock band, she used to beat your Uncle Glen all the time," Spencer chuckles and Ashley's heart soars at the sound of that gentle laughter that she has missed so much.

"Yeah, I really had a lot of fun! But I missed you," Clay yawns.

"Aw, honey, I miss you too. But I'll be back before you know it. Now, I need you to be a big boy and get some sleep for Mama, okay?" Spencer asks and Clay yawns again before he mumbles out another yes and Ashley giggles quietly, "goodnight, buddy. Sleep tight. I love you!"

"I wub you," Clay yawns, reaching the phone back to Ashley as he snuggles down in the sheets. Smiling, Ashley tucks him in, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before she takes the phone and gently slides out of the room, leaving the door slightly cracked so that he won't wake up in the middle of the night and think the monster is about to get him like the last time.

"Sounds like you guys had a fun day," Ashley can practically hear Spencer's smile through the other end of the line and her heart practically skips a beat. Smiling softly as she shuts the door to her bedroom, Ashley makes her way to her bed, listening to Spencer's breathing on the other end of the line.

"It really was. I miss them so much during the week," Ashley replies, gently pulling the blanket up to her waist as she sits in the bed, her back leaned against the headboard.

"They really miss you too," Spencer sighs and even though they are miles apart, Ashley can practically feel Spencer right there in the bed with her, "I miss you too." But as quick as the statement is made, the subject changes in fear of what might be said.

"So, I'll pick them up on Monday? Same time and place?" Spencer asks and Ashley sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. How is it possible the two of them can be so close but so terribly apart at the same time? How is it possible that the love that never should have broken _had_? Closing her eyes for a moment, the hot tears burn before Ashley clears her throat.

"Uh yeah, if that works for you," Ashley replies.

"Yeah, that's fine." Spencer states and Ashley can hear the creaking of their old bed in the background. She wonders what Spencer is wearing, if she is wearing those cute little pajamas with the penguins on them or if she is wearing the pink nightie that she loves so much during the summer. With every beat of her heart, Ashley wishes she could be there, that she could be holding her in her arms, that she would be promising her that no matter what happened, she would never make this mistake again.

"Goodnight, Ash." Spencer says and Ashley cannot help but smile.

"Night, Spence. Sleep well," She smiles. For a few moments, neither of the women says anything, but they simply stay on the line, listening to the other breathe. And then, sadly, Spencer ends the call. Sighing sadly, Ashley glances down at her wallpaper which is a photo of Spencer with baby Sophia and their two trouble makers, a smile on her face as bright as the sun.

Quietly, Ashley brushes her thumb over Spencer's cheek, the tears burning in her eyes.

"I love you, Spencer," Ashley whispers, looking down at the screen at the life that she once had; looking down at the life that she had let get away from her.

And she sits, staring at that picture for most of the night.

Because it is easier to be alone with the lights on than to be alone with the lights off.


End file.
